how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
