Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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