that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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