why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm like, not good at living.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
