Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
