yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize