you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
