they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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