do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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