3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My cat gives me a boner
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
