im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize