I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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