based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
