Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
