Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
