I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
