chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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