True but thats because hes a fetus.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
