Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
