I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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