I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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