I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
