Three words: puerto rican gang bang
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
