yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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