Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
