i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
