i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
