dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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