Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
