Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
