Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My pussy is not your playground.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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