was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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