i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
