I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
