I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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