fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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