I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
