This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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