Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
