I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
