Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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