do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
