There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize