I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
