somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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