Me too!
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Someone signed my nipple.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
