This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
