Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
