Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just had sex bonerless
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize