Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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