I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
