New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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