I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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