i think i have herpe
just one?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize