Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Mom said you looked used
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
