Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
