Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
