Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
