Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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