I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
