Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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