So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
