We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
tell me about the fingering
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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