TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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