A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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