when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
