Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
