we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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