I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have fence marks all over my body
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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