he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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