I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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