Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
