Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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