is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
