cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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