So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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