Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
