Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
