I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize