My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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