Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
