quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
