just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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