look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
