Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
