I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
This toilet bowl is my home.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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