Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
