just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
