did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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