You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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