Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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