Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
