The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
