like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
