Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
