Got a toothbrush?
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize