why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize