My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
