Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
