OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
