what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We are two peas in an std pod
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize