You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We need a shit load of segways right now
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
