I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
