3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I understand Curling. That high.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
