our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
dude. I can hear the air.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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